I find myself sitting on my own most days going off in my own little world often wondering
What would happen if I just fell off the face of the earth
Would anyone notice? Would anyone actually care? Would I be missed?
I see people go off on their own little lives going out having fun, seeing other people, and yet I am here. I know that I’m a screw up….. As everything I do I just fail at….. I know that I am just a fuckwit…. I’ve been told that several times… Though the one that really gets me is being call a baby/child killer that honestly just cuts straight through me and a statement I can’t just forget….
I have one child who passed away at birth he never took his first breath he never opened his eyes … I hold so much guilt for this that I can’t just let go of… Yes my body failed…. Yes my body rejected him…..so does that make me a child/baby killer?? The fact that my body couldn’t hold onto him??
I have 3 other children that are with my ex husband that.o haven’t been able to see in quiet a long while and actually starting to think will they even remember me??? Daniel has done a great job with them I will give him that much… Doni even deserve to have them back??
I then have dom and little Lucy I have been told I will fuck their lives up to…. All I ever wanted to do was be a good mum and for my kids to know that I love them and that they will always be loved
So if I just fell of the face of the earth would any one notice?? Maybe everyone and everything would be better….just maybe …