True colours

It’s funny how peoples true colours come out when it comes to crunch time.
People who you thought you could count on are no where to be found. Then a select few surprise you and come out of nowhere are there for you..

I have had this happen to me, I know I’m not the first and I know I won’t be the last.
Maybe it’s  my circle of friends? Who knows… Though time after time after time I find myself being let down. People who i thought I could count on are constantly letting me down….

Maybe it’s my hormones maybe it’s not though I’m getting fed up by it. This is usually the reason why I don’t count or rely on others for because at the end of the day and come crunch time there is only you when you need someone the most


Long time no post

So I haven’t made a post for a while and have no idea where to begin……

Things have been pretty full on here with people coming and going. Jordan has started work worked a week, the job finished now just waiting for more work.

I enrolled into a diploma of counseling the course should take me 18 months to finish. I have to go into campus 1 day a week at least and the rest is online though I think I will go in more so I can smash it out. They gave me my 4 thick textbooks yesterday and they are mine to keep they are worth between $100-$400 each so I’m feeling quiet lucky over that. Plus I also take a huge interest in this course and should be able to apply it in the real world and when I am able to help others. They have also done a police check and applying for a blue card for me


This is our other surprise baby Richards who I due in January. So far no complication *touch wood*

And on a great note mediation is finally starting on Tuesday whoop whoop can now stop biting my tongue and start fighting my 3 other kids

Domonic is really good he is growing up so fast he has been going through a stage for the past couple of weeks of waking up crying between midnight at 3am and finally found out last night that’s because he has cut to of his first molars. He’s coming out with more and more words everyday and turning into his own very unique person

Well that’s about it for now I could go on and on though don’t have time for that

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Why do I honestly let this happen to me for???? Am I that gullible????

So yet again my world has come crashing to a Holt…. Yet again Jordan has left…. Things are apparently to hard again… So it seems like its just easier to get up and leave

What happened to people actually trying to make it work??? I’m honestly not strong enough to be taken for a ride time and time again

Like bloody hell what am I meant to do???? I’m bloody 8 weeks pregnant I have a 15 month old and I’m currently fighting for custody of 3 other children. Though you know what I will suck it up and deal with it… The thing that hurts me the most is Domonic… What am I meant to tell him when he gets older???? How is he going to feel??? His sperm donor wants nothing at all to do with him and the only person who he has ever known as a dad has just walked out….

Though like normal i will just fake a smile, act all happy and suck it up and deal with it… 

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Keeping It To Yourself

So I see a phycologists once a week, and she helps me regulate my emotions and helps me keep them under control. Lately i have been learning how to not suppress them as all emotions are healthy to feel and to express
I have been trying to practice and put into motion what she has been teaching me, though holy crap it is hard. Nearly every person that I know knows I have an anger problem and I’m trying super hard to get it under control. So instead of stewing on it and just letting it unleash on someone when I finally can’t take it anymore i say what i need to say in my head. As she has said its quiet normal to feel what I feel at times
Though as i said I’m still learning and I’m trying my hardest not to stew on things though honestly its quiet hard and about half the time I will let it build it until I snap, then what comes out of my mouth isn’t nice at all. Or people tell me that wasn’t nice of you to say that though you wanna know what? You should hear half the crap I keep to myself that’s even worse. I would honestly love to tell people what I am thinking all the time, though in some situations that would just add fuel to the fire

Another thing that really doesnt help my anger is when people say something that’s really nasty just to be hurtful or spiteful knowing that it will really hurt you, then turn around after and say sorry then go and do it again and again and every time say sorry. If they are saying sorry nonstop and doing the same crap over and over again how much worth is that sorry going to have?????

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Stress free

So I have been orded by my doctor to keep my stress levels low to none 😤😤😤
Though it doesn’t matter what I try to do to keep them low etc they keep in rising. It’s like I have a sign on my back saying

Stress is welcome in my life, the more stress the better

So this is where I’m truning to you all

What can I do to lower it? Or keep it away?

I’ve tried to keep the stress factors low though its kinda hard with health issues, going through a nasty custody battle, going through a divorce, running a home business plus not to mention the typical stress that life and children carry with it.
One of my case workers has booked me in for royal treatment on the 30th of next month it is a pamper package for me that consists of 1 30-60 min massage, 1 hair appointment, my nails done and a pedicure if I would like one this whole package starts at 9am and finishes at noon I will also be picked up and dropped off home
With out sounding really self indulgent I’m really looking forward to it I have never done anything like this for myself. So I’m hoping that will help lower my levels as well

Though how do you lower your stress levels? My mind is honestly open to anything

Keeping secrets 🙋👄🌠

I can safely say that we have all been trusted in one shape or form to keep a secret from someone or someone has told us something we have had to keep to ourselves

I’ve had people trust Me before to keep something to myself and I have to admit some are pretty hard to keep, if its something bad it just eats at you though you know all to well you have to keep your mouth closed

Or what about when you have something that you need to say, I find it hard not to let it slip as I’m quiet an honest person and i really hate keeping things from people

How have you felt knowing you had to keep something from someone

Give an inch, Take a mile

Nobody is perfect I get that, every living person has their faults that includes me
Though why does it seem that as soon as you give anyone an inch they take a mile?? It doesn’t matter where or when, though everyone seems to take for granted a persons good nature, or they blatantly use you for their own gain? Is this hard wired into every persons brain? Is this caused from bad upbringing? Is it just peoples true form??
Some people do this with out even realizing and I’m even know for doing this.
What really annoys me is it when people do it time and time again to someone and they constantly let you down even when you think they have changed, and you decide to give them that inch again they run and run and run until they have enough to hang themselves with it. Though when you finally put your foot down, your the worse person in the world and their true colours show
I don’t know if its more sad or pathetic
What would you do if this happened to you time and time again?