Peoples choices

As we all know people have choices to make the choices are regarding life work family anything you name it you have a choice you either have a good choice or a bad choice it all depends on I guess the choice that you made with how things react so with me at the moment I seriously feel like I am everyone’s second third fourth fifth ect choice.

I never feel like anyone ever comes to me first I always feel that I’m only ever useful if no one else is around or no whenever I can get things done I’m not sure why people do this or even why I feel like this but it’s heartbreaking in a way it makes me feel like I’m not worth people’s time or I’m only worth it if I got something to give I’m not sure really maybe it’s just my head maybe it’s the truth but yeah I just I really don’t have any any um I don’t even know how to finish that question or answer it or anything like that I’m just I’m stuck why can’t I ever be someone’s First Choice like why can’t anyone ever want to just have something to do with me first why do I always have to be the second third fourth fifth sixth you keep going choice


On the go

People seem to think because I’m a stay at home mum with a 2 year old who goes to child care 4 days a week and a 7 month old who isn’t crawling yet that all I do is sit on my butt all day. So I decided to start counting the steps that I do in a day

Mind you I have a small 3 bedroom place and it takes less than 20 steps to walk from one end to another.though most days I don’t have my phone on me, I leave it outside. Though recently I decided to keep it on me at all times bellow is a screen shot of one of my normal days

Mind you this isn’t one of my most active days. Though for a really small house I think that this is quiet good. I’m normally on my feet most of the time. Though I find it hard to get the app to count all the steps  or it doesn’t pick up as many due to where my pocket is
I do have my lazy days where I hardly do anything. Though I am normally quiet active

Race, race, race…. What do you do when your head just won’t shut off… 
Think think think…… Over thinking every tiny little detail…..    
Stare stare stare….. Having a complete blank look on your face while your are trying to understand what is going on in your own mind
Twitch twitch twitch…     The constant moving as you can’t sit still

Well done, great work….

One thing I have noticed is that now days you never hear “well done” “great job” “awesome work” there is always criticism to make some one a better person…

Though if you are constantly getting critazised it is so easy to always think negatively…. Where u try your hardest at something and its never good enough… So instead of pointing out what has been done wrong or how it could be done better why not say great work or you have done a wonderful job
It’s really not that hard to do…. Though its never done

People often tell you that you need to be open that you need to tell them what’s on your mind and to be completely honest. It’s really hard to be open and honest with people and really tell them what is on your mind when you are open and honest people really don’t understand why is it so hard for people to understand just how you are feeling when you are honest and you tell them exactly what is on your mind and how you are feeling they throw it back at you and tell you no you’re not you’re not feeling like that why should she be feeling like that why can’t I just understand just what is going through your mind it’s not as easy as people thing to be open up front and to tell it how it is if you are someone to be open and honest you need to just sit back and understand and just have an hour for people to talk to you it’s really not that hard sometimes a person might just need to open up and get everything that’s going on in their mind out if you have so much going on in your head it’s like a massive dark cloud and it just ways you down and the more you letter to sit there the more it just keeps weighing you down you need to be able to get it out you need to be able to tell people what is going on how you are feeling and Y without feeling judged without being ridiculed and without being told what you are feeling is wrong you can’t help how you are feeling how you were feeling is just that how you are feeling there is no right way to be feeling there is no wrong way to be feeling you just feel how you want to feel people need to understand that people need to let other people just open up and say how things really are and not be how everyone else wants them to be and when is everyone at sheetz since when is feeling down wrong since when is being upset wrong since when is being happy wrong you know what everyone is entitled to feel how they want to feel people shouldn’t tell other people but no you should be doing that no you should be saying that know what is going on in your head is completely wrong it’s just not right don’t ask people to be open up front and honest and tell you how they are feeling if you were just going to tell them no you shouldn’t be

The sun was not shining, the birds were not chirping
Instead the sky was covered with darkness, the clouds were crying and the ground was soaking up their tears.
Not a person was around nor an animal to be found…
This is it she thought, the perfect moment…….
She put her hand into her bad and stumbled around for a couple of moments…this is it she thought.. The perfect time….
She froze, just stood there she couldn’t even take a breath…
This is it…. The perfect time

Why was she going to do this, what had happened to make her think like this.
All she had to do was to pick the phone up, or reach out,
Maybe she didn’t want to burden anyone, a we all know everyone has enough to deal with,
A simple “great job” or “well done” could of made a big difference…. Though instead nope those words were never said she hasn’t heard those words for a very long time

The day grew darker she felt like everything was closing in around her with no space to move, waiting to see if there was some form of light , looking for some kind of brightness

This is it she thought…. The perfect time