What’s next

This might be a bit deep for some people, though i have been thinking about it for a while.

My question is.

What next once we die?

Everyone has their own views and thats great though i have really been thinking about this

I have died twice, once during childbirth due to blood loss and second time was from an overdose

And with both those time i didnt have a white light, or people standing there with open arms. There was nothing. Zip zilch nadda…. It was just black…..

Like dont get me wrong im in now way saying there is nothing after we die as i would really love for there to be

I did see a facebook post ages ago saying

“I wonder if the white light that we are meant to see when we die, is really us being born out of someone elses vigina ”

That post really got me thinking maybe its right? Who knows.

Id love to know other peoples thoughts



People always say things happen for a reason. Do we always know what that reason is?

Is life meant to test us at every turning point? When does life get easier? What is the meaning of life?

I have these questions go through my head every single day. Most days well infact everyday i dont have an answer. I guess i just put it down to

Life is what you make it

My life has taken a massive turn. It used to be filled with DV, drugs, and mental health issues. Now its all changed

Im getting married in 15 days to a man i cant even put into words, he is loving, kind, has a big heart and the list could go on. I am carrying his daughter im 21 weeks today. And so far i havent had any complications touch wood

Im so used to everything being so shit innmy life, that i am always on edge waiting for the shoe to drop and to see what i am used to. Though you know what? Thats not going to happen. Blake is the complete opposite to any person i have ever been with. He isnt violant one bit, he doesnt treat me like shit, he doesnt expect me to wait on him hand and foot. He is truely a gentelman. His mum has done an amazing job.

I keep thinking he is going to run for the hills and decide that this life isnt for him. What i feel for him i have never felt for anyone ever before. Is this my kama finally? Is this finally my happy ending? Finally after everything i have been through am i truely allowed to be happy? I have honestly found my one and only

My random everyday thoughts

So as I sit here having a smoke and coffee and enjoying my 10 mins of.peace my mind is left to wonder about life and my purpose in life. While I am very grateful for my 6 kids I often wonder how different. My life would be and the types of things I would be doing and how much I would of changed.

Before kids I was popping pills, out clubng, drinking every weekend and working 60 hour work weeks. Now that I have kids I don’t do any of that. I play with my kids from the moment they get up to the moment they Go to bed, I don’t work now as I can’t because of my back, I study when I get a chance to. I’m for ever doing house work and cooking. I would so love to have a social life though my apparent friends are always to busy And never have time for me.

I dont have the energy most days to leave the house and do something so then in turn I am left to be at home and watch TV while I do thibgs.

I am engaged to be married next year and I am so looking forward to That as its keeping me busy though what’s after that? What do I do then? What purpose would my life have???

Most of the time I’m to shit scared to Leave the house to be honest as I am scared I am going to run into J  or I am going to have him show up on my door step again. As he still doesn’t get the picture even with protection/ restraining orders in place. There is another court case again in may though I’m guessing it will be agurned yet again even though the police has souch evidence against him that he will go to jail… 

So with all this going on in have lost me I don’t even know who I am anymore or what/who I am be..  Is the me I am now even worthy of anything? Am I even worth a persons love? 


Its funny how life turns out, you spend most of your life trying to have one, making sure you have everything you need, and have a plan.

I know that I had my life planned out before I was 18, I knew what I wanted to do, where I wanted my life to go etc.

Though let me say this, it has all turned.to shit. To be honest I was married to young (ladies never be in a rush to get married), all i have done since 2008 is spit out 6 kids. I am now 30, I am divorced, and the partner that I have had for just under 3 years that I could see the rest of life with has said we are having a “break”

Let just say my whole life has turned into  shit. I have no year 12 certificate. I have enrolled into numerous courses that I have never seen the end of, 

I life in a smashed up housing commission house, I have a car that’s my my partners(or now ex partner I have no.idea) fathers partners car that can get taken off me at time leaving me stranded withe between 2-5 kids at any given moment… I have debit up to my eye balls can’t get a loan any where, and I have just enrolled into a $1790 course ( watch me fuck that up to). I have no family.around, I have 1 friend that lives close by though other than that I have no one… I know no one else’s problem, only mine
So see you can have.your whole life mapped out though in honestly it can all turn into shit in the blink of an eye

Peoples choices

As we all know people have choices to make the choices are regarding life work family anything you name it you have a choice you either have a good choice or a bad choice it all depends on I guess the choice that you made with how things react so with me at the moment I seriously feel like I am everyone’s second third fourth fifth ect choice.

I never feel like anyone ever comes to me first I always feel that I’m only ever useful if no one else is around or no whenever I can get things done I’m not sure why people do this or even why I feel like this but it’s heartbreaking in a way it makes me feel like I’m not worth people’s time or I’m only worth it if I got something to give I’m not sure really maybe it’s just my head maybe it’s the truth but yeah I just I really don’t have any any um I don’t even know how to finish that question or answer it or anything like that I’m just I’m stuck why can’t I ever be someone’s First Choice like why can’t anyone ever want to just have something to do with me first why do I always have to be the second third fourth fifth sixth you keep going choice

Toddler Moments 02

We all want that well behaved child that doesn’t run a muck does what he/she is told and listens well, I have found that reward charts work great and they are great incentives for children and encourage good behaivour

Reward charts, or star charts, are a powerful way of:

  • encouraging behaviour you want, such as cleaning teeth without fuss
  • discouraging behaviour you don’t want, such as hitting
  • rewarding your child for practising new skills, such as staying next to the trolley when shopping or putting all the toys in a box when asked.

Though lets be reasonable they don’t work all the time, they have worked for myself with 2 out of the 4 children that i have, though in saying that one isn’t quiet old enough yet to start using them for,

my 2 oldest children loved stickers and also being allowed to come to the shops with me to buy a small toy, so the charts worked great, if they filled the charts in they allowed to have stickers and a toy, if they didnt get enough on the chart i would then explain why their not allowed to come with me and buy a small toy, 9 times out of 10 it worked

Below is what i think would be an appropriate chart for a toddler


Though i am not saying that you HAVE to use this chart I’m sure you would be able to make one of your own or find one that best suits what you are after,

And like normal what i write here is just my opinion, every person is different and as we all know all children are different this might work for some then might not work for others, i do encourage you to find a outlet that will best work for yourself and your child as at the end of the day we all want our children to be well behaved and good 🙂

What Is Love


What is love? Does it really exist? Is there such a thing as true love? Is there such a thing as ever lasting love?

What is love to you?

For me is can say that I am truly in loved. For me, my partner is everything to me. 
Like every relationship we have our problems, we have our ups and downs though we always seem to work things out.

I often find myself getting lost in his eyes I honestly don’t know what it is about them though they are mezmorising
He is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep
I honestly can’t picture my life with out him  completes my broken little family.

Though love could be different for everyone.

Though for some reason im not convinced that there is enteral love or ever lasting love

Please share your thoughts or opinions